Apocalypse Nowish
A=Angel C=Cordelia W=Wesley G=Gunn F=Fred L=Lorne Cn=Connor Li=Lilah
L: "Why?"
A: "No!"
L: "Why?"
A: "I said: 'No!'"
L: "I said: 'Why?' Now, let's meet in the middle with a 'Why no?' "
G: "Woman out at Hancock Park's hearing spookies in her pipes. Don’t know whether to bring my axe or a plunger."
Cn: "What’re you watching?"
C: "Some old movie. Pod people or... mutant pod mushrooms or... something. "
C: "Don’t worry. I'm not going to turn into Amnesia Action-Figure Cordy again."
Cn: "She wasn't so bad."
C: "Yeah, a real hoot, too, with the panicking and the screaming and running around like a nut."
C: "I don't know what I would have done without you, Connor."
Cn: "Panic, scream, nut."
C: "I can taste the blood of all the people it’s going to kill, smell the burning flesh."
Cn: "It's okay, you’re safe with me."
C: "No one’s safe. Don’t you understand that? It's coming and no one can stop it."
L: "Do we fight snakes?"
A: "Only if they’re giant. Or demons. Or giant demons-- are they giant demon snakes?
G: "Casper's dealing with the big boys now. We’re very persuasive."
G: "You ready?"
F: "Is no an acceptable answer?"
G: "In this business, always."
F: "Maybe we should have brought a priest."
G: "Or some consecrated Drano."
W: "Why are you dressed like that?"
Li: "Isn't this what you like? Big brain and a tight little--"
W: "Lilah."
Li: "Forget about that evil witch. Let's talk about me. I'm good and I'm pure, and science turns me on and one day, if I pray hard enough and eat all my vegetables, I just might have hips."
W: "You think you know me?"
Li: "Better than she ever will."
G: "We don't talk. We sleep on opposite sides of the bed. We haven't even touched each other since..."
F: "Since we murdered Professor Seidel."
G: "No, since I did."
F: "For me."
G: "I couldn't let you carry that."
F: "It wasn't your choice."
G: "Fred, it's not who you are. It isn't in your heart."
F: "But it’s in yours?"
G: "It is now."
L: "No. No, that certainly doesn’t sound normal for a boy his age. Look, we'll send someone out as soon as we can. Just, uh... don't poke at it."
A: "Do you think I should keep these alphabetical or rearrange them by how much damage they inflict?"
L: "Damage. Nomenclature goes out the portal when hackin's afoot."
A: "Still, it's good to know what you're using. I mean, what if I'm fighting a Glurgg and I ask for a khopesh to finish him off. What would you throw me?"
L: "A towel? Glurggs are 90% pus."
Cn: "You should talk to her."
L: "Oh! Hallelujah!"
A: "Now is not a good time, Connor, after everything she's been through. The last thing she needs is--"
Cn: "Dad... please?"
C: "I'm gonna kill him."
A: "He's just worried about you. We all are."
C: "Is that the royal 'we' or the populace?"
A: "I always wanted to be a prince but I hear you gotta be born into it."
C: "I love you. I always will. You know that."
A: "I don't suppose we could stop there?"
C: "I love you, Angel... but I can't be with you. It's just too soon. Maybe if we just give it a little time."
C: "This wasn't normal. If that words actually applies to anything that ever happens to me."
A: "He's right. You should probably get some sleep."
C: "Yeah, right. Because impending doom-- almost as good as warm milk."
G: "I'm sorry. I know but we're pretty swamped right now. Well, if Snowball hasn't tried to eat your spine yet, hit her with the catnip till we get there."
L: "No, I... I don't think that much mucous is ever a good sign. No.... please... describe it in detail."
L: "Hey, this isn't letting up. How about rustling up some adorable reinforcements?"
G: "I don’t know where she is."
L: "Well, that's where the rustling comes in."
L: "Hey. I don't know what's going on between cupcake and her icing but you know how she feels about you, and it doesn't take horns and beautiful singing voice to be able to read that."
Li: "A 300% increase? In the last hour? Uh-huh. Oh, ya think? Well, don't. Just shut up."
Li: "Couldn't you have at least tortured him a little bit more?"
A: "Really wanted to but he wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to get into it."
Li: "I have a cure for that."
A: "Vindict on your own time. I'm kinda on the clock here."
A: "You're trying to hide it. I can smell it on you."
Li: "Chanel?"
A: "Fear."
A: "Maybe we can help each other, huh? The enemy of my enemy..."
Li: "Can kiss my ass, too."
C: "Must be genetic."
Cn: "What?"
C: "Sneaking up on people. Your dad's an expert."
C: "Am I on vacation? Did I go cosmic AWOL? Did I do something to piss off the Powers That Be and get kicked out? I mean, why am I here?"
Cn: "Complete sentences. I've been working on it."
Cn: "Sure you know where you're going?"
C: "Exactly, no. But for the first time since I've been back, I feel like I have a purpose, like I have a reason for being here."
Cn:" I know how that feels. Not knowing why you're here, what your place is in this world."
C: "It's called being 18. If you make it past 21, things get a lot better."
Cn: "They already have."
G: "If you see Fred could you have her call me? Charles Gunn, two 'n's. Yes, that's my real name, just please, have her call me."
L: "Yeah, well it might take a couple of days. You're fifth on the bleeding walls list. Spritz it with a little 409. We'll get back to you."
L: "Let the machine work its mechanical magic. Come on, I'll hang my head out the window, see if I can pick up the Burkle vibe."
G: "You can do that?"
L: "No, but it sounds comforting and I could use the air."
L: "Hey, call me Kooky Pants, but maybe we could save the three rounds until after the Chuck Heston plague-a-thon cools off?"
A: "Lilah? She can be very giving."
G: "You trust her on this?"
A: "No, but she’s got an interest in stopping the end of the world before it ruins Wolfram & Hart’s end of the world so..."
G: "Okay, what’s the plan?"
A: "You’re holding it. We figure out what all this means, then do something large and violent."
W: "I see you’ve given it considerable thought."
A: "Have you been logging the calls?"
L: "Every last squishy one."
W: "I don’t see anything."
G: "That’s because you’re looking too close."
L: "Boys, I hate to be the little demon that cried apocalypse nowish, but..."
Waitress: "I’ll give you one more, then I’m cutting you off."
F: "Oh, sorry. I can pay for the next one."
Waitress: "It’s not the free refills that I’m worried about. It’s you vibrating into another dimension after a tenth cup."
F: "Nobody wants that."
Cn: "I’ve got to go. I’ve got to stop it!"
C: "Yeah, getting yourself killed should really slow that thing down."
C: "Oh, god. I think you broke a couple of ribs."
Cn: "I’ve never been broken. Not even in Quortoth. I didn’t think I could be."
L: "A watering hole for the tragically hip. Actors, models, all the hot mamas and yamas."
W: "A shrine of the flesh."
A: "So... who’s thirsty?"
A: "If it’s alive, we kill it. If it’s not, we bury it."
L: "Oh... I’m gonna need a bigger arrow."
A: "You might want to hold the gloat, Chuckles. We’re just getting started."
The Beast: "Do you really think she’s safe with him?"
C: "It was too strong. This isn’t your fault."
Cn: "What if it is? What if that thing is-- it chose the place where I was born. Is that why it’s here? Because of me?"
Cn: "I was never supposed to happen... the child of two vampires."
C: "I know how you feel about me, Connor. When I think about what you've.... You never had a childhood or family or friends or anything that’s real. And if this is the end, I want you to have something that is."
Grrr... Argh!
Comments to angel@rhiannon.dreamhost.com.
This page last updated April 17, 2003.
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